


TH3 G4M3S UP

by rezi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, Regretting Nothing, Utterly Over The Top, roleplaying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 12:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rezi/pseuds/rezi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Terezi Pyrope and Rose Lalonde -- or should that be Neophyte Redglare and the Lighty Broad? -- take part in some intense caliginous roleplaying.</p><p>The fact that their characters happen to be suspiciously similar to themselves is <em>purely coincidental.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	TH3 G4M3S UP

**Author's Note:**

> Can't say I ship this, per se. But oooh... you gotta admit it'd be a marvellously interesting relationship if it happened.
> 
> (this is ridiculously overblown, but it is REALLY fun to write like this)
> 
> Rose's POV, though that's probably obvious.

"TH3 G4M3S UP, L1GHTY BRO4D."

The candy red shoes halt just near your head, the cane's connection with the ground echoing through the dank corridors.

You're on the ground, and at her mercy. But by God, you're not going to give her _your_ mercy easily.

Keeping your face steady, maintaining her inscrutable character perfectly, you sneer up at her: "So, it seems I've been defeated. What are you going to do to me now, Redglare?"

"H3H3H3H3H3!" That shrill laugh is something you'll never get used to. Just another obnoxious feature of the girl you loathe wholeheartedly.

In a movement so fast, you can't see it -- and she _certainly_ can't -- the tip of the cane is at your neck. You find your tapered chin now tilted to the ceiling, your eyes having no choice but to stare into hers. Making the most of it, you assume the strategy of the Enigmatic Countenance. Perhaps she senses it, perhaps not. Nonetheless, it all helps to keep in character.

"D1D YOU R34LLY TH1NK YOU COULD H1D3 FROM M3? 1N TH4T D3L1C1OUS BR1GHT C4NT4LOUP3 ROB3?" And then in she goes for the sniff. Kneeling down, leaning in over you with nose just an inch from your face, she says in a low growl: "THOS3 L4V3ND3R 3Y3S HOLD NO S3CR3TS, TH13V1NG SCOUNDR3L. 1 KNOW YOUR3 GU1LTY JUST FROM HOW YOU R33K."

"Oh yes? Pray tell, what is my scent exactly?" Unflappable you remain: not a single flap is conceded. "Please explain, I'm quite curious as to the exact nature of your synesthesia."

You see those unseeing eyes narrow behind the blood-red glass. "OH R34LLY? W3LL, 1 SH4LL 1NDULG3 YOU, JUST TH1S ONC3."

She walks two of her fingers down along your figure, digging her fingernails in slightly with each 'step'. Chills electrify you, but you keep yourself still: a single sign of weakness can be used as ammunition.

As her little stroll reaches your feet, she begins her narration, prodding each body part with her cane as she goes:

"SOFT L1TTL3 TO3S 4LL SNUGGL3D UP 1NS1D3 THOS3 M4RV3LLOUS BLU3B3RRY SHO3S YOU W34R!" She strokes them now: "YOU H4V3 TH3 N1C3ST SHO3S! TH3Y SM3LL SO SOFT, SO SW33T... SO W4ST3D ON 4 P3TTY M1SCR34NT L1KE YOU."

"LOOOONG L3GS! SO FUN TO SQU33Z3 4ND STROK3." She demonstrates, and you can't deny you enjoy it. "YOUV3 N3V3R L3T M3 S33 WH4T L13S 4T TH3 3ND OF TH4T FR4GR4NT TR41L..." A wicked grin lighting her face, she chances an inspection beneath the hem of your robe. 

Even through blindness, she detects your steely stare. "Hardly professional behavior. Finish the examination, Neophyte. Then I may reveal it, but only if I wish."

An eyebrow hikes itself up, but she obliges. The tip of the cane exploring along your leg retreats; her narration recommences. "TH3 R3ST OF YOUR FRU1TY C1TRUS ROB3!" She plucks at it, with a slight tinge of mocking to her laugh. "4ND YOU 3XP3CT3D TO 3V4D3 M3 SUCC3SSFULLY WH1LST W34R1NG TH1S? 1 COULD H4V3 SM3LT YOU FROM TH3 N3XT UN1V3RS3!" One deliberated breath only spreads her smile. "YOU W4NT3D TO KNOW HOW YOU SM3LT? L1K3 4 THOUS4ND BOWLS OF PUNCH, M4SK1NG TH3 UNM1ST4K34BL3 T4NG OF D3C31T!"

The words are sharp. You won't let them cut.

"OH," she sighs, playing heartbroken, "1F ONLY YOUD T4K3N TH3 TH1NG OFF! TH3N 1 WOULD NOT H4V3 H4D TO C4TCH YOU COMM1TT1NG WH4T W4S SUCH 4 P4TH3T1C CR1ME, BY YOUR D3V1OUS ST4ND4RDS. OR 4T L34ST, 1 WOULD H4V3 B33N 4LLOW3D 4 SN1FF 4T YOUR UNH1DD3N BODY WH3N 1 D1D 1N3V1T4BLY C4TCH YOU!"

"A tragedy," you nod, sarcasm weighing down your tone. "But I would have been spared this delightful confrontation."

"OH? D3L1GHTFUL, 1S 1T?"

"Oh, yes. I do find you fascinating, the same way that I imagine a dung beetle admires its fecal gatherings." You punctuate the blow with a faux-sweet smile. It doesn't miss its target.

"4ND TH4T L34DS M3 UP TO H3R3." A movement surprisingly sudden has her clasping both of your cheeks in her hands, bringing you directly face to face.

"TH3 G3NTL3 L4V3ND3R OF YOUR 3Y3S CONTR4STS W1TH TH3 BR1GHT, SH4RP SM3LL OF TH3 R3ST OF YOU. BUT NON3 OF YOUR BODYS F4LS3 P3RFUM3RY 1S 4D3QU4T3 TO COV3R YOUR F3T1D V1LL41NRY. YOU S33, TH3 SW33TN3SS DO3S NOT FOOL M3."

Neophyte Redglare trails a pointed nail along your cheek as she speaks her final barb.

"FOR YOU 4R3 ROTT3N R1GHT TO YOUR CH3RRY-PUMP1NG H34RT."

She shoves you to the floor. 

"TH3 N3XT T1M3 1 S33 YOU, 1T W1LL B3 1N 4 C3LL. TH3 1NT3RROG4T1ON W1LL R3SUM3, 4ND 1 PROM1S3 YOU 1T SH4LL B3 3V3RY B1T 4S 1NT3NS3."

"I assure you, I will struggle every second of it." Well, perhaps not every second. You do revel in her smarm when she thinks she has superiority. It makes it even more fun to crush her afterwards.

"I do quite enjoy these sessions. In some warped caliginous way that I am beginning to understand. I must say, your presentation of character is... Adequate."

"YOUR3 QU1T3 GOOD 4T 1T TOO!"

Taken aback slightly by the rare unvarnished compliment, you let out an almost reflexive gasp of: "Really?"

"Y3S, YOUV3 M4N4G3D TO CR34T3 4 CH4R4CT3R 1 D3SP1S3 4LMOST 4S MUCH 4S YOU >:D"

Of course. Sly as ever. Regaining your composure quickly, you rack your brains for a reply and find one quickly: "Likewise for you. Though it surely does not take much skill for an arrogant fool to actualize another arrogant fool."

She grins, showing every fang, and gives you a hand up off the floor.

You're not even sure if humans can properly _have_ black feelings. But whatever is going on here, it's definitely enjoyable.

Basking in this succulent rivalry, you meander through the corridors with her hand in hand.

You both make sure to dig your nails in as much as possible.


End file.
